Bad sex 101 :the list

Bad sexual experiences I have had

This has never happened to me before [4 times]

I got mine get yours [yes someone actually said it to me]

OMG where is your dick? [I was looking right at it, it was 2inches rock hard]

Bet that feels good? what feels good? [he was inside but see above]

hump, hump, blot, blot, hump, hump, blot, blot, [ the minute I got wet he dried it with a cloth, I have no idea ask him]

He penetrates he scores [ came on the first thrust]

He misses the goal [came before the first thrust]

Oh your pants are wet [he came in them, same guy all 3 encounters]

Just lay there and be quiet [yup thats what he said] worse, I did what I was told.

47 times in 3 days [after he had finished serving 18 months and not in the army] none of them quickies [ So okay this was good, then it went bad] why well......

A] he was extremely well endowed 14inches

B} he had the stamina, staying power of the everready rabbit

C] Hard, deep, fast n furious is okay the first two or three times then it's just showing off.

D] This resulted in me peeing funny for several days, wherein I then discovered via my doctor that he had tilted my cervix OUCH

How about you got any bad sex stories?